Has the iPhone App craze reached its peak? Probably. But we feel the “iPhone App submission horror story” craze is still going strong.
We’re in the business of making parody games. Our premiere title is an RPG parody that takes place on the Internet. With that spirit, here’s the pitch for our app, called iCapitalism:
“When I was young, I had all the time in the world to play video games, but no money to buy them. As an adult, I have all the money in the world to buy games, but no time to play them.”
Are you tired of games that require time, effort and (worst of all) skill to play? If so, iCapitalism is the game for you!
iCapitalism is the world’s first game entirely driven by microtransactions. There is literally no gameplay outside of the ability to upgrade your character using real money.
We also had a FAQ explaining it in more detail:
How do I play?
Click on the Play tab. Then click Increase Your Level. You will be presented with a list of level upgrades you can purchase with real money.
So there’s really no skill involved?
None at all! The person who pays us the most wins. The rest are displayed on a leaderboard in descending order.
Does my money get me anything besides a higher spot on the leaderboard?
When you increase your level you can enter a custom message. All other players can see this when you’re on leaderboard. The top payer player becomes the “Head Honcho,” and their (inevitably more important) message will be the first thing everyone sees when they boot the app.
Who are you, and why would you create something like this?
iCapitalism was created by the people behind Forumwarz, the browser RPG based on Internet culture. A long time ago, we promised our audience that it wouldn’t be possible to gain a competitive advantage by paying more than another player. What could be worse than grinding for weeks and building up your stats, only to find that some jerk-off kid paid $20 and surpassed you?
However, we’ve seen that there are other web games where you can simply purchase a competitive advantage…we’re looking at you, popular Facebook farm simulator! Having tried said games, we were stunned to discover that not only do they allow people to surpass you with microtransactions, but it’s almost impossible to play competitively without it!
We’re going to keep our word about not doing this to Forumwarz. But there’s nothing stopping us from doing it in a new game! And if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it right. Hence, iCapitalism.
The submission process
We built an iPhone game in just under two days and submitted it to Apple for approval. The concept was a little iffy, but we figured it was worth the gamble. If nothing else, it could attract some attention to our web RPG, Forumwarz.
Two weeks after submitting, we received an email from Apple: “The review process will require additional time.” Fair enough. These things take time. Our previous application took 12 days to approve.
Two more weeks passed. We decided to put a little more pressure on them — politely, of course. We sent Apple an email asking why we hadn’t heard anything yet, and whether there was anything we could do to expedite the process. We received a reply a day later, saying, “Your application is still in review but is requiring unexpected additional time.” Fair enough. These things take…a great deal of time.
Two more weeks went by. Apple still hadn’t contacted us. We sent another email, this time directly to Steve Jobs. No, we never expected Mr. Jobs to read it, but we’d heard some developers have had some luck going directly to the man himself.
Surprisingly, our Hail Mary play seemed to work. A few days later, we were treated to a short phone conversation with an actual live person. We were told that everything with our App was fine, except we had some in-app purchases that they felt were too expensive. They kindly asked if we’d remove them, and we agreed to do it on the spot. We built the game very closely to their specifications for in-app purchases, so re-submitting it would not be necessary. We were left with the impression that the game would be approved shortly.
Another week passed and our game was still “In Review.” Another email was sent. A few days later, another phone call. Again, we were asked to remove some overly expensive in-app purchases — the same ones we’d already removed over a week ago. The man on the phone didn’t seem to believe that it was already done. After we insisted we did what they’d asked, we were told we’d get a call back shortly.
Another week went by. Again, nothing. The situation had officially gone from “absurd” to “Kafkaesque.” Fearing that it wouldn’t be long before we were inexplicably metamorphosed into dung beetles, we sent them yet another email. One full week later, we received our third call — informing us that our application was rejected. We were informed, strangely enough, that the nature of our application violated their “policies.”
We pointed out that we never saw anything in their policies that prohibited our content. Where we were supposed to obtain these policies? The response: “We are informing you of them on the phone right now.” In other words, after nine long weeks, Apple invented a policy to reject our game.
Our game did not use any hidden APIs. It featured no adult content or copyrighted images. It did not duplicate any functionality in the iPhone’s core software.
Why was it rejected? Because, apparently, Apple can’t take a joke.
So you’re upset that Apple wouldn’t approve your money-grubbing stupid idea? Give me a break.
Is that what you’re thinking? If it is, then you’re missing the point.
Yes, our game is cheeky and gimmicky and money-grubbing. But so are games like iFlatulence. It’s not like your fart money’s going to colon cancer charities, folks.
The point here is that the App Store submission process is horribly broken. As a developer, you have to invest all your time and money developing your app before you even know if it can be sold. And, as we’ve demonstrated, even if your App is built in accordance to every policy, Apple can still reject it.
Yes, you could say we pushed the envelope. And of course it’s within Apple’s rights to make up rules as they go along. But for God’s sake, if you’re going to be like that, make it a quick and painless death. Don’t string us along for nine weeks before glibly claiming that we violated some imaginary policy.
Of course, we’re not going to go broke because we spent a couple of days of development time and a few bucks on stock photography. But it still stinks. Sure, it was a silly idea for a game. But what are they going to reject next? What poor development shop are they going to starve of potential profits for months before they get approval?
The current system is untenable. Something’s got to give eventually. In the meantime, we hope will serve as a cautionary tale — or a wake-up call.
After about a month of downtime, we’ve decided to move our blog off our server to WordPress. It was previously running on Mephisto which seems to be a dead project now, and meant keeping two complete Ruby environments running at the same time because we run 1.9.1 for Forumwarz.
It should be a lot more stable and permanent at this address.
Sorry for the downtime!
Soon, I’ll post a new blog entry, I promise!
Folks, we’ve found our mods!
See this post for more info. Thanks to everyone who applied!
Original post follows.
Forumwarz is once again looking for a great moderator to help us…moderate stuff. If you believe in sweet internet justice, this is just the position for you!
Interested? Of course you are. Check out this thread and tell us why you should be chosen to wield the mighty banhammer.
Forumwarz is looking for a great new moderator to help our team with day-to-day activities.
It’s a fun, responsible position and it’ll give you access to the secret, inner bowels of the Forumwarz engine.
If you’re interested, [url=http://www.forumwarz.com/discussions/view/29981-mod-idol-we-re-looking-for-the-next-great-forumwarz-moderator]read this thread[/url] and tell us why you think you deserve the gig!
For a limited time, we’re offering Episodes 2 and 3 together in a package for 150 Brownie Points!
That’s a savings of 50 Brownie Points versus buying them individually, and means you can now pick up both Episodes for under $15. The feedback for Episode 3 has been phenomenal so far, so be sure to take advantage of this sale while it lasts!
Log in, and check out your Support Us tab for more information.
Thanks to the grand efforts of our Beta team, Episode 3 launched today with very few issues. I’m watching the server right now and many people are playing through the new content!
As I’ve said before, this episode is really important. Releasing it means that we’ve followed through on initial plan. If you check out the updated credits page, you’ll see that we were only able to do this with the help of many other talented individuals! I thanked them yesterday, but I’m going to do it again.
What’s new in Episode 3
- The conclusion of the storyline that begun in Episode 1
- All new attacks, forums, characters, cinematics and mini games: in fact, there’s more content than Episode 1 and 2 combined
- Enhancements to our user interface: there’s dozens of tweaks included in this release
- More moral choices, and different content depending on your alignment
- Multiple endings, depending on your choices.
- Several major storyline branches that you can complete independently of each other.
We’ve also launched a trial of Forumwarz Orange(tm), which is an enhanced interface geared towards power users of the site. All users who have reached the end of Episode 1 will receive a Tubmail inviting them in and explaining what’s available. The interface is free right now, but we plan to charge for it in the future once we figure out a fair price and gather user feedback on the new tools.
The Shit Hit The Fan: A disgusting bonus game
If you’re not busy playing Episode 3, you might want to head over to Kongregate to try out The Shit Hit The Fan. It’s a filthy mini game that occurs right near the beginning of Episode 3, but we’ve decided to release to the public for fun. Don’t worry about spoilers: the game reveals almost nothing of the Forumwarz storyline.
Thanks so much to all our users for being so supportive! The game is better because of all of you!
As you all know, tomorrow we’re opening the flood gates and launching Episode 3 of Forumwarz to the world.
I’m super proud of this Episode. It is by far our biggest update to date, and it concludes the story arc that we started out on years ago.
I want to take this last moment of silence before the storm to thank all the non-CZ people who contributed to this episode. I’m talking about all the writers who dreamt up the characters and missions, the artists who created new images, the people who recorded their voices for tubsonics and the testers who relentlessly helped to polish the whole thing.
It was a monumental effort and I think everyone who plays through the new content will appreciate it.
I’m going to take down the site at 9AM EST. As the regulars know, it often takes hours and hours to get things ready, so expect the game to launch sometime in the afternoon. While the site is down we’ll set up a cool chat room to chill in and watch people doing nothing on their web cams.